Carving Out Space for Aftercare

Domination and submission are to a great extent about physicality and tangible senses. Take fisting for example. You don nitrile gloves and lube up your hands. First your fingers, then your knuckles slowly slip in until you're awestruck at the sight of being wrist deep in me. You slide in and out. In turn, you're met with me firmly clenching and utterly mesmerized. You find my G-spot and I start squirting profusely, ultimately drenching you.

With wax play, you're gratified to see me wince in anticipation of the sweet pain from the candle wax dripping on my bare breasts. You torment me as you feign attempts at pouring out the wax. When you finally do, I let out a moan. You reflect on the contrast of the vividly colored candle wax against my skin as it drips down to my huge hard nipples. You feel powerful and at the same time honored that I've bestowed you with such a tremendous amount of trust. 

Yes, BDSM play is about a feast for your eyes and all that you can hear, touch, taste, and smell. There is also an exchange of energy. We co-create a space of heightened sensuality where the interplay of power and the allure of taking command or giving up control impacts us deeply. The ecstatic emotions that are elicited while in the midst of such a delicate dance can feel all consuming. What arises when the intensified excitement subdues after a kinky session?

The analogy of the rollercoaster is relevant. Just as you go up, you must come back down. Sometimes complex thoughts can emerge while in the liminal space between high-spirited carnal exploration and returning to one's daily affairs beyond the boudoir. If you've embodied the role of a dominant, it's helpful for you to be aware of potential changes in mood you might experience.

I've touched on why I require a two hour or longer reservation as a prerequisite for fulfilling your fantasies as your kinky girlfriend. There are various instances, such as impact play and rope bondage, where ample moments to adequately warm up or ease into our experiences is of the utmost importance. From my perspective as a submissive, I can prioritize the ways in which I expect my safety to be regarded. For you, when you're dominating me, you can be assured that we're cultivating trust so we can communicate clearly about our desires and our limits. 

Even if it is the case that you're giving rather than receiving impact, pain, or watersports, I suggest you tune in to your emotions, and think about what's coming up for you and what you might want or need to feel nurtured as a date winds down. Just as we pay attention to our preparations for our kinky play early on in our encounter, it is also important that we take aftercare into consideration. 

Our playdate duration, whether you host me or come to mine, and various other factors can determine what aftercare looks like. During an extended encounter, we might have dessert (our BDSM playtime!) before we go out to get dinner. Dining after instead of before playing is an option that is up to you. Doing so allows us a leisurely segue before we part ways and transition back to the reality of the vanilla realm. As an alternative to us going out to a restaurant, we can order a nourishing meal to be delivered. When we dine en suite in my hotel room, would you prefer I change back into my dress, or wear a cozy robe? ;) 

For a three or two hour tryst, aftercare can look like cuddles and soft kisses in bed. With your permission, I may lightly massage you from head to toe. A warm steamy sensual shower might be in order. And even seemingly small things like remembering to hydrate, and drinking water, herbal tea, or a natural beverage with electrolytes are simple acts that can be replenishing.